Private Message to Bill and Charlie Weasley

[alt_ginny]

And not caring what the Pink Baboon does!

Boys,

I know I shouldn't be writing privately, as it will only tick her off, but I am not having a great time. I have nothing I wish to say that I would want every one to read. I suppose I should make something up though. I have worked harder, but that seems for naught as Professor Dolohov is still unwell and is unable to work with me privately as we had planned just before the term started.  I am experiencing much loneliness and find it hard to seek comfort. 

I don't really talk to any of my friends, because its not exactly easy to speak to them about my thoughts and feelings. Dad's birthday is tomorrow and I feel a new wave of sadness. I wonder how Mum is doing with that as well. Ron and the twins always seem to be off doing something with their friends. I don't say anything, but I am not stupid either. I know what I know; and even if I don't know all, I know when I am being avoided. They are cautious around me. I know what that looks and sounds like.

I use it myself. I am still reading after all. I am combing through it again, as time and silent contemplation permits. I wish I could escape, but I know others have more to think of than my petty problems.

I have started to be friendly with Dean Thomas again. He is having a tough go at things as well. But he is not easy to read you see, he is used to hiding his feelings. I guess that is the best way to survive in the camps. Dad's death really shook him. He feels he never really had the chance to properly thank him. And he knows his behaviour towards Ron hasn't been great, which makes his sorrow more acute. 

Even though Dean and I have had a few conversations, I have not been able to allow myself to express what I am feeling. What I need more than anything are my brothers, but the ones I have here don't seem to be able or ready to look beyond previous behaviour. Or maybe I am reading to much into things and perhaps I am a little too self absorbed. But what I am finding is that it is harder to turn things around when those you turned your back on, even if only for a moment, aren't waiting for you when you have seen sense.

Ginny

I don't really expect an answer seeing as I didn't ask anything. I just needed an outlet.