Private Message to Bill and Charlie Weasley

[alt_ginny]

Boys,

I really need to talk to you.

 Yesterday had its highs and lows. No need to worry about the highs. As for the lows, our dear Madam Umbridge could stoop no lower with her “inspirational badges“. We had a topic yesterday that Percy would have loved. We talked about how to behave at parties and who takes precedence over whom. Did you know that even though we have been pureblood for ages, being a Weasley automatically knocks us down a level?  

We were in groups, role playing, and she came around to my group. We had to line ourselves up as if we were being formally announced at a grand event. Once we had our line together, she said “Hem, hem, Miss Weasley, you are not that high up. You must go lower". I could barely keep my composure. I am amazed that I was able to bite my tongue. I know rank shouldn't really matter, but to be publicly embarrassed is uncalled for. No one ever wants to hear badly disguised snickering, due to something being pointed out about one's self.
 

She is just so infuriating. How did she ever get to be the Minister of Magic by being so …NASTY. She was giving out badges today, as I said before. The one she gave to Neville Longbottom said “Knows Your Place” or something like that. I just barely saw it as she handed it to him. When she got around to handing badges to my group, she looked at me and said “having a pretty and well publicised face doesn’t make you important”. Then she promptly handed me two badges. The first said “Looks out for herself” and the second which clipped just below the first said “Over - ambitious”. Since when has having a little ambition, and stretching your wings to find out who you are and what you want to do with your life, become a bad thing? Or is it just bad because my last name is Weasley?
 

That was the reason I started signing my letters Ginny or Ginny W.  Do either of you ever feel like you can’t get anywhere no matter what you do? I mean, I can’t win doing what I know is right, and I can’t win by following popular opinion. So what’s next? 

A little help is appreciated.

Ginny

 

Comments

[alt_charlie]

Ugh. What an awful, awful thing for her to do to you all, Ginny-bean. Not just humiliating you in particular like that, but to set you all up to look at each other and try to figure out who's "better" than who is just wrong. There's no way that ends well.

But -- look, Bean, one of the hardest lessons I ever learnt was that there are always going to be people who like to look down their noses at me. For whatever reason (and there are a lot of them) -- because of our last name, because Dad's not interested in status and glory at the Ministry, because we can't prove we're just as pureblood as anybody else the way people want you to prove it, because we're not as well off as other people are, because I work with dragons, because I work with my hands, because I don't own a single set of robes that aren't scorched or torn somewhere ... the list goes on, forever and ever.

It used to get straight up my nose. (Ask Bill, he'll tell you.) I mean, who were they to be looking down their noses at me? But then I woke up one day, and it was like something had twisted around in my head, and I suddenly saw it more as: well, all right, they're looking down their noses at me, but who are they that I should care about what they think?

It's not as easy as that, I know. Especially when you're still in Hogwarts, all mashed together with all sorts of people (and having to deal with Madam Umbridge telling you to your face that you aren't worth the same as everyone else, on top). By the time I realised it had stopped bothering me, I was already up here at Stornoway, doing what I love and what I'm bloody well good at, and that helped too, 'cause I know I'm bloody good at it and I don't need anyone to tell me that. And I know it doesn't help to hear "it gets better", not when things are bad now, but -- It does get better, Bean. It really does.

And I think the first step to making it start to get better, for me at least, was to sit down and give my life a good hard think. It was this time of year a while back, actually, on my 17th birthday. Dad pulled me aside and told me I was a man now and it was time I thought about what I wanted to do in life, and what I cared about, and what values and ideals were important to me, and what kind of a person I wanted to be. And I decided that I didn't want to be the kind of person who was constantly worrying about what others thought about me, because that would just make me miserable. I wanted to be the kind of person like Mum and Dad are, someone who was kind to others (even when they were nasty to me) just because it was the right thing to do, and the kind of person who helped people out just because they needed help and not because of what they could do for me in return. Because that was what Mum and Dad taught me, and that's was important to me.

That's what it means to be a Weasley. That's what those people are sneering at, when they look down their nose at our last name and our red hair and our chickens and our goats. They're sneering at how Dad and Bill work their tails off at the Ministry to make things better for the people their departments are there for. They're sneering at how Mum is always there to give anything she can to someone who needs something that we have and can give them. They're sneering at how even when we don't have much, we'll give whatever we have to someone who has nothing. They're sneering at how anyone who's nearby at a mealtime will always be welcome at the kitchen table, no questions asked, no matter what. They're sneering at how even when we don't always like each other, even when we feel like the rest of the family doesn't understand us, we're still a family, and we're still there for each other.

I'll take being a person like that over fancy parties and 'inspirational' badges and always having to watch your back to see if someone's waiting to snicker at every little thing you do wrong, any day.

I think it's okay if you don't know what you want to do with your life, it's okay if you try out a bunch of things and see what you like and what you hate, as long as you keep sight of what's really important like that. And it doesn't matter who you decide you want to be, as long as you remember that 'Weasley' means you do have family, and you do have family traditions, even if they don't look like everyone else's might. Our traditions aren't about stuffy tapestries and who-outranks-who, they're about being warm and friendly and open and generous to the people around us who need it. And I like those traditions a lot better, and you can keep them anywhere you go.

Does that help any?

I'll be home for Christmas, and we can talk more about this then. And you should always remember that I love you.

[alt_ginny]

Charlie,

I suppose working with dragons have made you sappy. But I think I understand what you mean. Perhaps this required further discussion. And have you guys home would be a great way to deal with it. I think I know what I want. But I'm only 14, so that could change with the wind right? I'm not worried about that so much. Being in the public's eye, the way I was, this past year has opened my eyes to different things. It made me realise what I take for granted, and I hope I can appreciate those things more.

But really, if you had to tolerate her day in and day out, you would find it all maddening.

Sorry, I'm not really sure what to say here. I think you have stumped me. Which is not an easy thing to do. But I promise to give it all some thought. I am glad you will be home for Christmas this year. We really have missed you.

One more thing Charlie. Don't you think I'm getting too old for you to still call me Ginny Bean. Or is that sort of the timeless nickname that an older brother will always use for his favourite sister. (By the way, it makes me smile and sort of chuckle to see that you are still using it.)

[alt_charlie]

Sorry, Ginny-Bean, you're stuck with it. Older brother prerogative. Glad it makes you smile, 'cause you're going to be hearing it for the rest of our lives, probably!

But while you're thinking about it, think about what it is that's important to you. Not what other people think, or what's important to them. You'll always be able to find the kind of people who agree with you about what's important someday -- it might take a bit, but you can find them. And it doesn't matter what the people who don't agree with you about what's important think, because you're playing by different sets of rules, so why does it matter whether they think you're winning or losing?

I'll tell you a secret. Sometimes it's fun to stand there and watch people trying to make you feel bad about yourself and not let it get to you. Because they just keep trying harder and harder to make you feel bad, and you just keep getting happier and happier and do whatever you were going to do anyway. I don't think you want to do that at Hogwarts, since it can also annoy people and make them want to get back at you, and you're stuck up that castle with everyone, but you can think about how fun it'll be in the future.

[alt_bill]

Ginny,

I read your message at lunch and I thought about it all afternoon, because I meant to compose a nice long reply for you tonight. Now that I've finally sat down to do so, it's only to discover that Charlie has beaten me to the punch by saying just about everything I intended to say. (Thanks for doing my work for me, bro).

He's given you good advice, and I hope you listen. I guess what I'd add is, why do you assume you can't 'win' by doing what is right? Maybe you need to give some thought to what you understand 'winning' to be. Does it mean having pots of money, so you can buy all the toys you could possibly want? Approval of someone like Umbridge? (Surely you're not coveting more of those stupid badges, are you?) Fame? Meaningful work that makes a difference? A family that loves you and supports you through thick and thin, whether it's us Weasleys or a new family you'll make for yourself some day? Charlie put his finger on it: in order to figure out what 'winning' means to you, you need to suss out what your values are.

There are people who buy into what Umbridge is peddling, sure. But I suspect you wouldn't be particularly happy if you try to turn yourself into someone they would admire, in hopes of pleasing them. If you decide their admiration isn't important to you, on the other hand, then their sneers won't matter a jot to you. After all, you've already made it clear you don't respect Umbridge's opinions, so don't give her space in your head to make you ashamed of yourself.

That's all, except to add that I'm sorry to that she insulted you like that. You'd be wise not to anger her or challenge her, but that doesn't mean you have to swallow what she says, right?

[alt_ginny]

Bill,

You don't have to worry. I don't admire or want to be admired by Umbridge or that lot. At least I don't now. A year ago, that may have been different. I think now that I couldn't care less, and I think that is saying a lot.

I understand what you are pointing out, but I think my definition is not clear. Its not really money or fame I worry about. But I don't like being held back because of my name. I mean, why does status of birth or ministry affiliation have to matter at all. I'm more than smart enough to do whatever it is that I want to do, but just because my last name is Weasley, I am suddenly not what... competent, worthy, good enough? I don't get it. I am one of the top students in my year. Is that all for naught?

Will the effort that I put in now not work in my favour later? Why is ambition a good thing to have but bad for a Weasley? Unless, perhaps that Weasley happens to be Percy? Shouldn't we all want to be the best we can become, with out worrying about what other might think, or what that ambition might do? I'm not power hungry after all. And I don't brown nose. And I have too much spine to bend over and kiss someones arse, unlike some I could name.

I just don't understand why, wanting a bright future has to be seen as a bad thing in my case. Or is that it? As long as my beliefs and actions are for the best, who cares what others think? Right?

Am I really putting to much weight on what others think? Is that something that we just get over? Is it just part of being an adolescent? Or maybe it is the residual effect of my choices this past year.

The thing is, I can remember a time where I didn't care, but then my temper would get the best of me. Maybe I have spent to much time working towards becoming what is currently considered acceptable, and I need to renew the determination that at the end of the day it is only how my family views me and how I feel about myself that matters most.

I suppose I just can't tolerate being disrespected. And it doesn't matter if that person is my elder or not. And Bill, don't worry. I am young, but I am not stupid or mad even. I don't trust her enough to have my back turned in her direction, so I would never try to challenge her or anger her. I do believe I can see through her plastered countenance, and see her for what she really is. Sugar is not not always sweet. Sometimes it is bitter or even rotten to its core. I don't pretend to understand her completely, but that much I think I comprehend very well.

I hope you are having a good night. I suppose I should actually put my book away for tonight and get more sleep for a change.

[alt_bill]

Caring what others think is a normal part of being an adolescent, yes. And that's entirely natural. Think about it: what you're doing at this stage of your life is experimenting, trying on a lot of different identities to figure out who you are. Sort of like trying on different hats. Some people try on really outrageous hats when they are teens. And sometimes part of trying to figure out how a hat looks on you is gauging the reaction of the people around you, so that's a reason to care what they think. But eventually, as you grow older, you'll settle down into whatever suits you the best.

As long as my beliefs and actions are for the best, who cares what others think?

Dad once told me the difference between reputation and honour: reputation is what people know (or think they know) about you. Honour is what you know about yourself. Now a bad reputation can be really really annoying. But sometimes, if the values of the culture around you are really skewed, it can be unavoidable. You may have only limited control of what other people think of you. You should be careful not to do things that needlessly gouge your reputation.

But what really counts in the end is honour, what you know in your own heart to be true. That you must guard with everything you have.