alt_ginny | Private message to Hydra Finch-Fletchley

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I wasn't able to stay long at Justin's funeral yesterday, because -- well, they're not letting me out yet without minders, and everyone had things they needed to be doing other than minding me. So I didn't get to talk to you.

But I wanted to tell you I am so sorry for your loss.

From things I've overheard I'm pretty sure Justin killed Ptolemy Baddock. And I wish I could have thanked him for that.

How are you doing? Is it true you have ~~Lana Sandoval's~~ your sister? Half-sister, I guess.

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From:

alt_hydra

He did kill Ptolemy, though he indicated that it was for Ron, too. In a way.

Ptolemy is vile, but he wouldn't have been able to take advantage of you if it weren't for what Dolohov did.

Are you still having trouble with your memories? I don't know, but I might be able to help. Because I'll be able to see them, I mean. But I would understand if that sounds scary or potentially violating.

From:

alt_ginny

Would you be able to tell? I mean the thing is, I think some of what I remembered did happen. But maybe not quite the way I remember it. I don't know. I understand I can't trust any of it but it's different, knowing it and feeling it, you know?

And yes, I know.

Dolohov cruciated me until I 'remembered' my parents abusing me, just to make it stop. I understand what he did to me. You don't have to persuade me that Sally-Anne should have let him die.

From:

alt_hydra

I don't really know. If there are false memories or thoughts they might feel wrong to me, in some way. Mostly, I'd be able to see what you remember Dolohov doing, and that might help to sort it out. But again, you might not like the idea of going back there. So, you don't have to decide now.

I can't even look at Sally Anne. If she asked, I wouldn't let her hold the baby.

If I let myself think about it to much, I would probably want to kill her, since I can't kill Dolohov. Those are the kind of thoughts I have now, sometimes.

Justin would want me to let it go, though.

From:

alt_ginny

Well, I don't exactly like the idea of going back there but whatever you could tell me, I like the idea of knowing more. Understanding better. I feel like maybe if I did understand better it would have less of a hold over me.

But I know you're busy. Whenever you have time, though.

From:

alt_ginny

I don't want to kill Evelyn but I don't want to talk to her. You probably saw she wrote to me, that was to apologise for using me, when I was a prisoner, to pass that message about Crouch's body. I don't even know how to feel about that. At the time I thought it was some sort of trick. But I did pass the message, anyway, because I didn't know what sort of trick it was, and I was terrified that whatever I did was just going to result in more cruciatus. They'd think I was in on it, somehow. Or that this was some kind of test. I didn't know.

At least I was wrong, I didn't get cruciated.

It makes me sick, though. That she wanted to comfort Dolohov, even while he was torturing me.

You'd know better than I would what Justin wants. Would want. Please don't kill Sally-Anne, though, it would make my family gatherings more awkward than you can possibly imagine. At least she thought she was going to save Justin.

From:

alt_hydra

Of course I'm not going to kill her. It's just - I can't deny that the impulse is there, if think too much about how helpless Dolohov was, how easy it would have been. How much Justin wanted him dead. How stupid she was not to see that Dolohov was using her, like he always does.

What can I say. When killing becomes a solution to problems, it becomes a solution to problems. It's always an option that's there, amidst the more sensible ones. Like "get over it."

I'm sure Sally Anne has no idea, anyway.

I was the one who snitched on Evelyn to everyone else. She still stands by her decision. Or, she did at the time. I don't know what she said to you.

From:

alt_ginny

I have never in my life met anyone as good at manipulating people as Dolohov is.

I hope I never do.

Well, I suppose there's Rigel. That's different, though. Dolohov couldn't actually reach in and manipulate people's minds directly. He had to use tools to do it. Sometimes he used charm and kindness. Forbidden knowledge. Books. Tea. Other times he used cruciatus.

Anyway. I'm glad you snitched on Evelyn. What did she say to me ... here. 'I am so very glad you're back. I am so very sorry for writing you like that. I didn't write you other times, because I thought it could be painful, hearing from friends and family while you were being told they were awful, and when I wrote you, I was trying to ... I am sorry. I regret how I went about doing things very much. Especially because it involved you. If it helps at all, I meant every word I wrote.'

I guess she means that she meant it when she said she missed me (which she told me in that other message) and that she was glad I was still alive.

Possibly also that she really did mean that she needed me to do her a favour, and that she felt obligated to Dolohov because he saved her life.

I actually have no idea what the German and Arabic said, other than that it was something about Crouch's body. I can't read either language.

From:

alt_hydra

Rigel doesn't completely understand what he's doing. He's still young, and all children that age think the world does and should revolve around them. Unless you have a mother that reminds you, constantly, that the world revolves around her. I'd like for Rigel to understand his ability and learn how to not abuse it, though it will take some time to figure that out, I think. Meanwhile, there are some pins that people can wear - they make it so he can't have any effect on you.

Barty was thoroughly manipulated by Dolohov, too, though he'd deny it to the ends of the earth. But Dolohov scooped him up and groomed him when he was still young and in need of a father figure.

Possibly I'm reading between the lines, but it sounds as if Evelyn regrets using you to comfort Dolohov ("how I went about doing things") but probably does not regret wanting to comfort him in the first place. I've gathered that there are others who agree with her that it was wrong to leave Barty's remains in the forest - but they only decided it was wrong when they realized that Dolohov was alive. Make of that what you will.

From:

alt_ginny

Dolohov was so good at making his chosen favourites feel special. Not just Barty. All the people he took an interest in.

I know how powerful that feeling is, because you know what else was really good at making you feel special? The diadem. The horcrux.

And that makes sense, doesn't it? Because the Lord Protector couldn't have always been repugnant and noseless and terrifying. (Well, I know the noselessness was recent. But 'repugnant and terrifying' weren't new.) People followed him for the same reason they were attracted to Dolohov.